We got a question from one of our regular readers and posteres Nicole. Nicole asks...
How long should you chat or talk on phone or converse with someone before you meet?
Nicole, how long you should chat or talk on the phone or text before meeting is different in every situation. Sometimes you can hit it off right off the bat and be really comfortable with someone. Maybe the two of you both have the day off work tomorrow and no plans. In that case it might even make sense meeting the first night you start conversing.
Not everyone is comfortable with meeting someone right off the bat, some people would prefer to correspond for a few days, weeks, even months before meeting. I hate to give an answer like do what feels right or do what your comfortable with but that's really what it boils down to.
To elaborate a little bit we'll give you a few pro's and con's about meeting up early vs meeting up down the road.
I personally like to meetup with someone relatively early, I would say within 3 emails, texts, phone calls to each other. It seems to me the longer the day of the meeting up drags on the less likely it is to happen.
Many people seem to think the longer you talk before meeting the more you'll know each other, the more comfortable you'll be with each other and the less nervous you'll be about the actual meetup. Though this may be true in some cases my experiences as well as hearing from female friends, dates, and acquantances would say different. Many people, myself included, seem to find that the longer you correspond before meeting the more nervous you are for the actual meeting because there's such a buildup.
We also seem to form ideas or concepts of people in our heads. The idea of a person is rarely if ever what they are actually like in real life so the longer you correspond online the more solidified this idea of the person is and the more likely you are to be either let down or surprised during the actual meetup.
One last reason to meetup early is to not waste each others time. I've corresponded with people from dating sites online where we totally hit it off via dating site message, online messaging and texting however when you actually meetup either there's no attraction, the conversation doesn't flow, or it's just not the same as it was online. By meeting up early you can figure out pretty quickly if this person is someone you'd like to continue corresponding with versus talking to someone for weeks, getting wrapped up in them, going out for your first drink/meetup together and realizing the whole thing is a bust and having your bubble burst so to speak.
When to meetup is something totally different for every situation and every online interaction. Some people like to meetup quickly while others like to talk for weeks before meeting up. It also has a lot to do with how comfortable with each other both parties are and how the conversation flows.
Hope that helps
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